Proverbs 19: 13-14

Proverbs 19:13-14 

A foolish child is a father’s ruin and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. Houses and wealth are inherited from parents but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Ah, this is the verse. The nagging wife verse. I am loving the fact the Internet provides easy access to commentaries. I like to see what people have gleaned from the verse as well. I also make sure to look up words that are not regularly used as well. One of the commentaries I was reading was talking about that the only two truly important temporary comforts are good children and a good wife. However, the opposite really lends to a pretty sticky life. Google defines quarrelsome as "given to or characterized by quarreling" Basically, argumentative and naggy. This is probably the most common complaint I've ever heard from husbands about their wives. This is interesting because the Bible points out how opposite that should be. Like a leaky roof, its annoying and eventually it can damage everything else in the home. This is where the next verse comes in. Google defines prudent as "acting with or showing care and thought for the future." If you are considering the future and acting in a caring manner, would you still be complain or arguing about that topic? Is it important in the long run? Is it work the long term effects of the constant nagging. This is an area that would require great self control on my part as a wife. My first reaction is to complain, nag, and fuss over what I see. I rarely take the time to think over the level of importance or how my behavior is affecting my family.

My goal is be a wife like mentioned in Proverbs 18:22 -He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 5: 15-19

Proverbs 5: 15-19
Drink water from your own cistern,
    running water from your own well. 
 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
    your streams of water in the public squares? 
 Let them be yours alone,
    never to be shared with strangers. 
 May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 
 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Interestingly enough, these scriptures are speaking to the man about being faithful, however I read in it something for wives as well. I can take from these verses several things a wife should (or shouldn't be). In fact, if you read all of Proverbs 5 you can get a very clear picture of what a godly wife SHOULDN'T be. Today I really want to focus on these verses though because they talk specifically about being a wife.

Verse 15 refers to this man's wife as a "cistern" or a container or well of water. The is very symbolic in several ways. One, it refers to the nature of giving. The words "running," "springs," and "streams" all refer to something that continues to flow. As a godly wife we give of ourselves, our love, our support, and life freely and without reserve for our husband and family. Taking my mother as an example, I am convinced that this is an ability that is truly God given for wives. It's one of the ways God enables us to perform our role as wife. Although this is a gift given by God, it can also be a challenge. Giving with a return can be tiring and draining. It is hard not to be bitter at times when I don't see any return from my giving, however it is important to remember we do it more for God than we do our husband. (It makes the burden lighter)

In verse 18 the writer speaks of rejoicing in the "wife of your youth" and verse 19 uses the words "always" and "may you ever," all references to a happy and fulfilling marriage from beginning to end. As a wife I can gleam both encouragement and a reminder from these verses. It is encouraging to know that if I am married to a godly man he will strive to always see and treat me in love. He will never lose his passion for me because he will make it a goal to pursue that passion. However, the reminder I get is that I should remember the things that made my husband fall in love with me in his "youth" and strive to provoke the same feelings in my husband today and always. Yes, it is a blessed burden on the man to stay faithful and passionate about his wife, but it is the wife's role to create an atmosphere that he can do so.

The last verse I noted above talks pretty blatantly about sex. I can not simply ignore the fact. I find a reminder in that too. I am aware that my body may not be the same as it was the day we married, but as a wife I see a purpose in making effort on staying beautiful for my spouse. This is not necessarily doing something more or different than you  already do, however I can see changes in myself since the early days. Early on I was careful wit personal up-keep. Nails, hair, shaving, beauty rituals were all important because I wanted to look beautiful and make my man feel special. As time goes by and comfort sets in, I find those things happen less often. I don't particularly think that is a good thing. I strive to find a balance in accepting who God made me to be and striving for beauty. I think it really all goes back to what I said above, I want to remind him I am the same person he feel in love with both inside and out (now with a deeper love that comes through the years). That deeper love will cover what physically time has changed.

Disclaimer: I do not think that the commentary above is exactly what God is attempting to get across in Proverbs 5. However in my pursuit to be a better wife, I am pulling from the scripture what I feel God wants me to know and remember. Each person's relationship with God and their spouse is different. Also, I feel my husband loves the way I look just as well now as early on, I was focusing on the effort on my part about making myself special for him.

Psalm 128:1-4

Psalm 128:1-4
Blessed are all who fear the Lord,

    who walk in obedience to him.

You will eat the fruit of your labor;
    blessings and prosperity will be yours.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
    within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
    around your table. 

 Yes, this will be the blessing
    for the man who fears the Lord  

  

There is something really cool about being the wife of a Christian, God fearing man; we are meant to be a blessing to them! We are a precious and priceless gift. These verses also note our importance as mother, however I don't really think that was the whole truth of this scripture. As I was studying these vereses I found a great quote in a commentary about them, "good wives are also fruitful in kindness, thrift, helpfulness, and affection: if they bear no children, they are by no means barren if they yield us the wine of consolation and the clusters of comfort. Truly blessed is the man whose wife is fruitful in those good works which are suitable to her near and dear position."- The Treasury of David Commentary I really like how this commentary expands on the word "fruitful". I really do what to be fruitful on those areas. I want to provide my husband with comfort and consolation in difficult times.

My the choice of my husband and the gift of God, I was given a very important role as Andrew's wife. I want to produce the fruit of having this godly, loving marriage!

Psalm 45:10-17

Psalm 45:10-17
Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
    Forget your people and your father’s house.
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
    honor him, for he is your lord. 
 The city of Tyre will come with a gift,^[a]
    people of wealth will seek your favor. 
 All glorious is the princess within her chamber;
    her gown is interwoven with gold. 
 In embroidered garments she is led to the king;
    her virgin companions follow her—
    those brought to be with her. 
 Led in with joy and gladness,
    they enter the palace of the king.

 Your sons will take the place of your fathers;
    you will make them princes throughout the land.

 I will perpetuate your memory through all generations;
    therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.

I'll be honest, I had to hit the commentaries on this one. Although I was clearly aware that these verses we speaking to a bride, I needed a better understanding. Psalm 24 is regularly used as symbolism of Christ and the Church as his bride. Still, I really think it has say in our earthly marriages as well.

These verses start out with some instructions or expectations of a wife. This expectation is that we should turn the control other's may have on us to our husband. We should choose to make his opinions, desires, and expectations above that of our family and friends. Marriage is a very unique bond between two people and with it comes both removal of some things and the blessings of others. These expectations come with some benefits in a good marriage. First, it talks about the kings view of his bride. To him there is no one more beautiful or desirable. Husbands are given the expectation of having and creating that kind of desire for his wife. It also says that he enjoys and desires to care for and in some ways spoil his wife. I would consider jewelry, clothing, and a nice house to be "spoils". 

These verses also talk about the joy both the wife and husband find in coming together. It is supposed to be and honor and a blessing for both people. 

The last few verses talk about the blessing of children within marriage. As a husband, he has a role to care for them and provide. As a wife it is our role to raise men that have those same values and desires. The things that we instill in our own children will create the husbands and wifes of the future. If we desire for them to have the fulfilling and beautiful marriages that are God's desire, we have to live by example.

Proverbs 12:1-4

Proverbs 12:1-4 
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
    but whoever hates correction is stupid.

Good people obtain favor from the Lord,
    but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.

No one can be established through wickedness,

    but the righteous cannot be uprooted.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
    but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Sometimes I think I would like to be Andrew's trophy wife. For self centered and ridiculous reasons of course. Sure, I would love to be thin, gorgeous, and have access to all kinds of wealth. However, this is not what my heart truly desires.  In truth, I want to be loved, respected, and yes, even cared for. In some ways, God says I can have it both ways. In Proverbs 12:4 it says that a wife with noble character is her husband's "crown". Basically, there are some conditions to being a "trophy wife". I think I would rather be this kind of trophy wife anyway!

It seems logical that verses before verse 4 are there to explain a little bit about what that kind of wife should look and act like. So, this is what we've got: 

Noble character comes with self discipline and knowledge. There is usually something attractive about a witty, educated, and hard working woman. (The very same could be said for godly men!) If you even ask someone what they are looking for in another person, they often will name these traits. They are desirable and attractive. This is even more important after you are married. Self disciple can be more challenging. It can be easier to place blame, procrastinate, or give up on things.  Those things don't encourage much when it comes to marriage. I would "stupid" to know my problems and issues and choose to ignore them rather than strive for excellence. (For this reason I love self-help and motivational books!)

Noble character is also found in good people. This one really seems obvious, yet it isn't always as simple as it sounds. Righteousness builds strong people with good support. This means when things get hard, they aren't so easily swayed. Good and righteous people think of others first. They aren't self centered. They seek to bless others. In marriage that means choosing to bless my husband. That means doing things that make HIM feel special, important, and desired. By doing so, it makes me all that more desirable to him. I become a "crown" by shining him up to look and feel like royalty!

It's not like God is asking me to let myself become a door mat. He is asking me to change my mindset. I doubt a king makes a point of stepping on their crown. Rather, they see it as something very precious, as a symbol of their very important role.

Genesis 2:20-25

Genesis 2:20-25 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

My husband and I are nearing our fifth anniversary. As time goes by, I realize that I regularly fail at being the one thing I desperately want to be, a godly wife. Many times I have looked over the verses in Proverbs 31 and longed to be like that woman. Yet, every attempt I've made has fizzled out. I am beginning to understand the reason why now. First, my attitude was never really in the right place. I wanted to be that woman for personal gain, not truly for God or my husband. Second, I was trying to do it in my own power. Neither will get me the point God wants me to be. I really hope I have my learned my lessons now and am going to have a true heart change. I also decided I needed to look deeper in The Word to find what I am looking for. Over the next few weeks (months, years, who knows?!), I plan on walking my way through the Bible and seeing what God says about being a wife.

What is my role?
How do I do it?
What does it look like?


Basically, I want all the "whys" and "hows". I want to fully understand this full time job I have. I want to be the best wife I can be for my husband. Not only because I love him, but because I love God and that is what He really wants from me. My marriage was (and is) an gift and I do not take it for granted.

Now, today's verses are from Genesis and the creation of woman. Right here we get an understanding of purpose for a woman in marriage. So, let me give you the Manda translation. Adam just finished doing a truck load of work, naming the animals and all. He is all alone and after going through every living thing, he still can't find anyone who "understands" him. He's lonely and tired. God takes notice and let's Adam take a nap. While he is napping He pulls out of Adam a part of his heart (chest, rib) and creates woman. 

Considering where God chose to take from Adam to make Eve, it is clear that from the start Adam had great respect and love for her. She was a very special gift from God, created from something so close to his heart. In truth, a wife is just another part of the man she marries. We are truly made to fulfill, complete, and become one with the man we marry. This is no easy task. Since there is no perfect person, marriage is two imperfect puzzle pieces attempting to make a clear picture. Truly I think the heaviest weight of this burden is on the woman, our whole roles is to make a complete picture. We have to CHOOSE to make our puzzle fit together. 

This is so much easier said than done. I'm sitting here thinking..."how in the world do I do this?" Here's what I am coming up with:

-What areas does my husband struggle in?
-Where does he feel weak?
-What traits are less dominant in him?

My conclusion: I need to be those things. My husband is a dreamer. It is a beautiful thing, but sometimes off the wall thing. It is my job to keep our life realistic and grounded without crushing his zeal. My husband can only handle one major role at a time. I have to accept this and cover what he is not. If his major role is bread winner than mine will be home. If his is home, I will work to support. If my husbands roll is minister to others than I will minister to him. What ever it is that he needs, I will try my best to be there for him. He may have high expectations for our children so I will support my children as they build to that point. I know it is not popular or fun to consider your spouses flaws, but I am suggesting you rethink them. They are no longer flaws but aspects for which you were made to complete him. I really hope I can live up to this! I struggle more trying to change him than changing myself to better fit with him.

The very last sentence in this verse also spoke to me. Adam and Eve we both naked. They were not hiding anything. They were not ashamed of who they are on their own. There is freedom and joy in understanding that you were made quite the way God intended. That means physically, mentally, emotionally, you were made to fit each other. You should have little doubt of your great worth (whether male or female). If you are in this marriage, there is no more beautiful or perfect fit for your spouse!